32 years old with no kids. Not bad considering more and more people are having kids later in life and the early thirties seem to be a socially acceptable age nowadays to start a family. My age and the fact that I do not have children yet does not bother me. When I was a teenager I decided that I will not get married or have children until I am 30+, so sticking to my guns is not the problem.What does bother me is society and their assumptions, comments and the indirect pressure that is applied.
I am constantly bombarded with questions or statements (especially now that I am married to the man I have been with for 11 years) which I really would love to answer with a razor sharp come back, but opt to smirk and zip it instead.
“Why don’t you want kids?” When did I say that? I possibly said I am not sure I want kids, once when I was about 16, but you just assume that because I do not have kids yet that I do not want kids…
“When are you planning to have kids?” It really has nothing to do with you in the first place. If I do plan on having kids, unless you are going to be influenced by this decision (i.e my husband), you don’t actually need to know.
“You will never regret having children“. I am sure that must be true, but what I may regret is not travelling, studying, establishing a career, establishing a home and having some really fun, care-free and memorable years in my twenties (which I will never get back!)
“Your turn is coming” [referring to someone else’s baby]. Well who made you a clairvoyant? I have never tried to fall pregnant (opposite in fact), so not sure how you would even know that I can bear children anyway.
“You are going to have to learn how to do that” (again referring to a nappy change on someone else’s baby]. Just an FYI, I became an aunt at the age of 6 and have been exposed to many babies since then (many second cousins, nephew and another niece) I was doing nappy changes, baths, burping babies, and holding babies while you were probably still trying to learn how to ride a bicycle with no training wheels.
“You will never experience love like the love for your child”. OK, I believe you, but at this stage I do not know any better and I have survived perfectly well so far.
“Children are just amazing” Yes they are. What is your point? Just because I do not parent any doesn’t mean I am not in the company of children regularly. In fact I teach children swimming so probably have more contact with more children than you will ever have.
“Having kids is the hardest but the best job in the world”. To you yes. Each one to his own.
These comments annoy me immensely, but I cannot imagine how hurtful they must be to women who have tried but cannot fall pregnant. I know that parents probably don’t say them with the intention of annoying or hurting anyone who is childless, and probably just do this to share the joy they feel now that they have kids, but please, think twice before making such comments to non-parents.
Just for the record, I do plan on having a child in the very near future. I just hope that when I do, I won’t repeat these annoying comments to someone without kids 🙂
Have you experienced anything similar?