Thirty Something with No Kids

32 years old with no kids. Not bad considering more and more people are having kids later in life and the early thirties seem to be a socially acceptable age nowadays to start a family. My age and the fact that I do not have children yet does not bother me. When I was a teenager I decided that I will not get married or have children until I am 30+,  so sticking to my guns is not the problem.What does bother me is society and their assumptions, comments and the indirect pressure that is applied.

I am constantly bombarded with questions or statements (especially now that I am married to the man I have been with for 11 years) which I really would love to answer with a razor sharp come back, but opt to smirk and zip it instead.

“Why don’t you want kids?” When did I say that? I possibly said I am not sure I want kids, once when I was about 16, but you just assume that because I do not have kids yet that I do not want kids…

“When are you planning to have kids?” It really has nothing to do with you in the first place. If I do plan on having kids, unless you are going to be influenced by this decision (i.e my husband), you don’t actually need to know.

You will never regret having children“. I am sure that must be true, but what I may regret is not travelling, studying, establishing a career, establishing a home and having some really fun, care-free  and memorable years in my twenties (which I will never get back!)

“Your turn is coming” [referring to someone else’s baby]. Well who made you a clairvoyant? I have never tried to fall pregnant (opposite in fact), so not sure how you would even know that I can bear children anyway.

“You are going to have to learn how to do that” (again referring to a nappy change on someone else’s baby]. Just an FYI, I became an aunt at the age of 6 and have been exposed to many babies since then (many second cousins, nephew and another niece) I was doing nappy changes, baths, burping babies, and holding babies while you were probably still trying to learn how to ride a bicycle with no training wheels.

“You will never experience love like the love for your child”. OK, I believe you, but at this stage I do not know any better and I have survived perfectly well so far.

“Children are just amazing” Yes they are. What is your point? Just because I do not parent any doesn’t mean I am not in the company of children regularly. In fact I teach children swimming so probably have more contact with more children than you will ever have.

Having kids is the hardest but the best job in the world”. To you yes. Each one to his own.

These comments annoy me immensely, but I cannot imagine how hurtful they must be to women who have tried but cannot fall pregnant. I know that parents probably don’t say them with the intention of annoying or hurting anyone who is childless, and probably just do this to share the joy they feel now that they have kids, but please, think twice before making such comments to non-parents.

Just for the record, I do plan on having a child in the very near future. I just hope that when I do,  I won’t repeat these annoying comments to someone without kids 🙂

Have you experienced anything similar?

Much love,

J9

 

 

 

 

 

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8 thoughts on “Thirty Something with No Kids

  1. Your post is spot on.

    I’m now 35 and have a 13 month old who was born after 4 years of dealing with infertility and pregnancy loss. Those who know us clearly don’t ask but I can tell you that more often than I’d like to admit I’d find myself holding back tears when someone said one of those lines to me after finding out that I was 30-something with not kids.

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    1. Hi Jenny,

      I have never been in your shoes, but can imagine the heartache. I know people don’t say these things to purposefully hurt anyone, perhaps it is more ignorance than anything.
      I am so happy to hear you have a little one now! Congratulations. I am sure your baby brings heaps of joy to your life!
      Much love,
      J9

      Liked by 1 person

  2. My husband and I get these questions all the time. We’re been together 12 years and married for 3. We would like to have a baby but it hasn’t been easy for us. But we’re also ok with it if it doesn’t happen. It’s just annoying for people to ask you questions about it

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  3. Yup, I went through that stage of people asking about kids and making those comments when my husband and I first got married… Then after awhile they eventually stopped asking and commenting. Been married now for 11 years and to be honest, I went back and forth on whether or not I even want to have kids – I wanted to adopt but then wasn’t sure I actually wanted to be a mom. And what if I did have kids then regretted it?!?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am in a similar stage in life.. I want kids, but I don’t want kids.. I am in two minds all the time. Should I wait a bit longer to do some more travelling? To build my business? To become more financially stable?
      People say you will never be ready for kids. They also say you will never regret having kids, but I know a few moms who have said to me if they had known they wouldn’t have had kids (not that they do not love their kids to bits- just that had they known about being a parent vs not being a parent they would have chosen not to have kids…!)

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It’s a lot to consider and a big decision. I feel like a lot of people who have kids usually know they want kids and have them and don’t really consider everything that goes into the decision. I also personally think the world already has enough people which is why I’d foster/adopt if I decide I want kids.

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